Thursday, February 23, 2012
My dad has cancer, and this is all I got...
It sucks. I can't tell if I am in denial or acceptance. There is noise and movement, but no continuity or order in chronology. There is lots of wine and anger and brief moments of tears. There are memories of being a child and happiness and then making sushi two days before his surgery. There is valium and exhaustion, and hoping for a few moments of normality. Spell check isn't coming on, so I think that is a word. I feel like I have aged ten years. I felt like I have lost a lot. I feel like I have the best husband, the best sisters and brother and mothers in the world, and the best dad. There has been so much laughter, and so much silent horror. It's shitty, and it's beautiful, and I want to scream and punch and kick the shit out of cancer. I want to love everything to pieces and create beauty and laughter.
I am inebriated. I have a short train of thought.